You have haunted me for over one year now. You have caused me to doubt myself, my body, and my ability to mother more children. You cause me to cry bitter tears as every month I still am not pregnant. You encourage grief and jealousy to rear its ugly head every time someone announces they are pregnant. You crack away at my dreams of having a big family and enjoying the life long benefits of such. You hit me hard and strong, at any given moment. You have caused relationships to be strained, both familial and friendly, when they tell me to just "be happy already" or "at least you already have kids" or simply dismiss my pain. You try to rob me of joy and awareness of my blessings. You steal hopes and dreams of so many. You are sad, devastating and a hard battle that won't quite against my heart.
But you also have bonded me to other women in ways I didn't know possible. You have caused me to fall on my knees and stand up stronger each day. You have allowed me to deepen my relationship with my husband and of course, my loving Savior, and I feel so loved and find such strength.
So, you suck. And I will fight you in this battle for as long as I can. And even if you win, I still know who is on my side, and how to rise again. And that's actually ME winning.