Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Dear Infertility,

Dear Infertility,

You have haunted me for over one year now. You have caused me to doubt myself, my body, and my ability to mother more children. You cause me to cry bitter tears as every month I still am not pregnant. You encourage grief and jealousy to rear its ugly head every time someone announces they are pregnant. You crack away at my dreams of having a big family and enjoying the life long benefits of such. You hit me hard and strong, at any given moment. You have caused relationships to be strained, both familial and friendly, when they tell me to just "be happy already" or "at least you already have kids" or simply dismiss my pain. You try to rob me of joy and awareness of my blessings. You steal hopes and dreams of so many. You are sad, devastating and a hard battle that won't quite against my heart.

But you also have bonded me to other women in ways I didn't know possible. You have caused me to fall on my knees and stand up stronger each day. You have allowed me to deepen my relationship with my husband and of course, my loving Savior, and I feel so loved and find such strength.

So, you suck. And I will fight you in this battle for as long as I can. And even if you win, I still know who is on my side, and how to rise again. And that's actually ME winning.


Saturday, November 18, 2017

Some more

Home Depot does a free activity for kids every first Saturday of the month. This month they got to paint and build Army cars in honor of Veterens Day. They also got a special pin for their apron as well. We weren't able to stay the entire time, so we at least painted it and then Wa'a went home and finished it with Erwin. It was so cute to see him work and be proud of his car!

Ally was amazing and treated us all to Ohana Grill last Saturday. It was SO good and we appreciated her generosity.
Waiting in the car for the others to arrive to dinner

These two. So fun together!

Wa'a loves to go pick up Clara and give her big hugs and carry her around. She loves it too.

Only in Utah can you find and buy the Visiting Teaching lesson with a pre made treat at a hardware store.

 Cam is very good at answering my prayers. She knew my kids were super sick and she showed up with the family on Sunday with tons of soup, home made bread, tea, fruit and good smelling baking soda. I was SO grateful and it was such a blessing.
When she saw that Erwin has the old school Nintendo games, she was so excited to play and plopped right on down and did SO well. Seriously, she gave Erwin a run for his money, and that is hard to do. It was so fun to see everyone else have so much fun playing. 

Each child got a turn to play. They didn't do well, but they laughed the entire time and loved how silly their characters were.

So much fun!

Way to go guys! I've got some catching up to do!

Friday, November 17, 2017

"Whoever said money can't buy you happiness is a big, fat, ridiculous liar."

I laughed when my cute friend said that.

"Amen"! I replied. "The biggest liar ever."

She continued...

"It is not THE key to happiness, but money definitely brings peace of mind, security, and the ability to have a healthy, safe, productive, life that can allow you to provide for and offer opportunities for your family in even the basic ways. No one can deny this. So when these things are taken from you because you don't have money, then it's awful. And scary. And sad. I still have immense faith. But it still sucks."

And we cried together because we both are in the same boat and feel these things so heavily every day. Yes. It very much sucks.


Thursday, November 16, 2017

Catch up

I am definitely an outside mom so I love my kids enjoy it as much as I do. Playing in the fall leaves in the best.

That tiny sticker on Wa'a's hand meant he was rewarded for great behavior as school. I was so pleased.

This little girl on the other hand...is naught at school now.

Can't go anywhere without her unicorn headband

Last Friday night I folded laundry and watched documentary all about Orca Whales. Bc I have, and always will be obsessed with them.

Clara has been SO affectionate lately. She was from zero hugs and kisses to giving lots. We are soaking it up.

Waa gets TV time or game time with dad depending on his homework and chores getting done

Clara is constantly taking my computer and playing with it. I should just get her a toy one so she stops breaking mine.

Still loves hats.

Thank goodness this is whiteboard maker. Sheesh...

Waa was cute and came and snuggled behind me while I laid on the chair to rest.

He then fell fast asleep.

We painted window catchers! The kids loved it.

Waa fell asleep on our walk, which never happens. It caught me off guard so we went extra long around the neighborhood so he could rest.

Clara likes to gather all her tub toys and not share once in a while.

See that crazy scab on her nose? She wiggled my bookcase that had pictures frames on it and the heaviest one came down hard on her nose and sliced it. :(

Daddy coming home makes the kids SO happy.